I think I have to just start small. It’s hard to put myself in the headspace to share anything to this website, let alone to “create” “content” that’s supposed to sit here. Who the fuck am I? What do I have to say that’s worth saying, worth sharing?
But I’ve been thinking about it wrong. I write for the sake of writing, share for the sake of sharing – the aftermath, the impact, is less important than how I feel about myself during the process of creation and existence. And I think, not feeling comfortable in my own skin, head, and words is a symptom of my fear of existence.
Staying trapped in a cycle of avoidance and obtusion – going against the grain of my own life. No wonder there are splinters. How can I truly embrace living, if I can’t even allow myself to exist before I jump to judgement?
I smoke spliffs, pinners or cannons, not even because I seek the rush of neurotransmitters and brief manual control over my brain chemistry – but because the act of rolling and smoking, creation and consumption, is balanced and enjoyable as a unit of activity.
So, fuck it. I want writing and sharing here to be as easy, accessible, enjoyable, affirming as rolling a spliff. So, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re not expecting anything revelatory, meaningful, or even particularly interesting. Because this is my little corner of the internet. If you don’t like it, eat sand.
Now, at this point, if you’ve been paying attention or even accidentally discovered some latent reading comprehension skills, you may be asking yourself, “when is he going to make raisins relevant?”. After all, thats the title of this post. Fuck you, that’s when. Raisins were relevant to me when I started writing this. Jeff Bringus gets it. Everyone also can take another heaping plate full of aforementioned sand.
Here’s a picture I quite like. I was going to edit a photo specifically for this post; I was thinking some sort of mandala, with circular concentric layers representing different eras of my life; but I don’t want to create a barrier to posting. It would be like rolling a spliff, and then ordering a special lighter off the internet even though I have plenty of lighters already.